Yesterday’s game (John’s) of D&D might well have been the funniest in my short time of playing. Among other many things I could mention, I got to beat up small children who made fun of me.
Well first let me give you the important side stories on a.) the sailor suit, and b.) the obnoxious children.
Vladimir Blackthorn – Human Warmage (Derek)
Ur Theobrand – Halfling Monk (me)
Maiser Sherlique – Human Rogue-Fighter-thing (Ari)
A.) – When we first got back to town, I realised after the insane battle we were in that we should not have won that my clothes are in shambles and I need new clothes. So off I go, checking out the various tailer shops. Passed a few, most notably “Bill’s Leather and Lace,” which I passed (but Vladimir did not). Came apon “Phil’s Tailoring,” and took a look around. In the kid’s section I met my first challenge. Far more challenging than my meditation training in the mountains or the hard battle I had just come from….They had…A smart looking sailor’s suit! With a cool lil scarf and everything! And from that moment on Ur just could not get his mind off it. I even went so far as to try the hat on, and then dismissed the idea. Phil though, had been watching the whole time, and would not let up on the sales pressure so I had to snatch a shirt and pants and go before I made a mistake. Got in a fight with Vladimir the next day (and lost horribly…damn fire shield) so I had to go back yet again and get a new set of clothes. And there it was again. Taunting me with it’s seductive yet efficient splendor. Trim collar, supportive fabric, tough enough to hold up to twigs and glancing arrows, yet soft enough to sleep in on a hard stone floor. An adventurer’s dream. And before I knew it, the hat and scarf were on and I was in front of the mirror. No! Phil remarked how well it suit me, but I laughed it off, telling him I just thought it would look funny. Kinda like trying on costumes…Hahaha. Yea. Phil’s on to me now.
B.) Long story short, Vladimir was strolling through the slums, some kids came up to him (one of whom has obnoxious red curls) and told him how cool they thought his armor was. So Vladimir wreaths himself in flames in response (damn fire shield). The kids think that’s neat of course, and ask him how he did that and if he could show them. So he does by poking them with his flaming finger. They respond by calling him a dickhead and throw manure at him. It burns up in the fire shield but smells awful. So he casts darkness in the alley they were hiding in and keeps going. Cuz he’s a dickhead. Maiser has an experience with these same kids as well (one of whom had obnoxious red curls), except I don’t quite recall the details and he definitely got the better of them. They have made a powerful enemy.
So next day rolls around, and Maiser greets the new day outside the tavern, only to get nailed in the chest by rotten eggs and laughed at from a nearby alley. One of the kids had obnoxious red curls. Same kids? How’d ya guess? So Maiser washes up, and concocts a scheme to draw them out. Basically he tells me that he’s going to do a performance piece, since he’s getting a reputation for being a reckless yet entertaining fool. Why? All he does is erect our adamantine fortress in the middle of town every game, give the gate guards a hard time every time we pass, annoy and flee the cops every other game and tumble and dodge shadows in the middle of the road for no reason.
Where was I? Oh yes, the plan. So he performs, I join in with my sailor’s suit, he propels me into the alley via the halfling toss (which we had perfected during my training at a monastery) and I beat the crap out of them. I listen politely and tell him there’s no way in hell I’m beating up small children I don’t even know. Maiser then says “they’re the ones who made fun of you when you went streaking that other time…said ‘hey mister, mine’s bigger than yours!'” (another story). I raise an eyebrow and I roll the Sense Motive. Anything but a Nat 1 and I would have disbelieved. Anything but a Nat 1….
Nat 1. Sonofabitch.
“So when do we start?”
Maiser runs out the door and starts his routine right off the bat while Vladimir kind of stands off to the side being Vladimir (and doing well). I run to Phil’s Tailors, and lo and behold, he’s behind the counter with a wrapped package waiting for me. Little white had on top of it. That was the most painful purchase in my life; couldn’t even look him in the eye. I hasted myself (boots of haste), slammed 4 silver on the counter, snatched it, rushed back, changed, shaved, and went out and pulled off a rather nice performance as a midget. Maiser and I successfully pull off the halfling toss, and I land in the alley right behind the kids. They tell me I look gay and threaten to beat me up so I flee farther in and they follow suit. Once we were in farther, I turned and proceeded to knock their teeth out. I forgot to pull my damage like I wanted to (to make it more agonizing) but yea, it wasn’t pretty. Then their mom comes, I flee farther in the alley, she goes and yells at Maiser, he leads her to the alleyway and proceeds to flee himself.
And that’s where we ended it. The mighty heroes, conquerer’s of small children. And I enjoyed every minute of it. Oh, and John told me I just shifted from lawful neutral to neutral. Such bs, can’t imagine what I could have done to deserve that. Yea. We’re bad.