Mourning for a lost lunch…

So I’m washing some dishes, and after finishing I decide I need a break from cleaning stuff. So I wipe off the countertop, grab a nice warm plate, and cut off some hunks of leftover ham. Delicious ham, baked with brown sugar glaze, and pineapples and cherries…Drool…I throw some sugar on top (which seems to negate the saltiness), and grab some egg nog and a Smirnoff Ice from the fridge. I start to eat a bit and lo and behold, there’s Tyson. Whining at me. NO HAM FOR YOU! I telepathically shout at him, but being a dumb animal (like everyone else who can’t hear my telepathy) he ignores me. So I merely ignore HIM and take a swig of egg nog. And then the phone rings. Why, who could that be? It’s Mr. Fill-in-the-Blank Carrot! We chat for a bit, and I need to run upstairs and get something for him. I come back down, and put the phone away and go back into the kitchen. Why’s Tyson licking the floor? Stupid dog…I shoo him out and go back to my…Empty plate…Of ham.

It took about 10 seconds for it to click in my mind. I stared at the empty plate as my mind went through various scenarios. Is it a different plate? No, there’s ham juice on this one. Did I leave it in another room? No, no dishes to be found…Did I leave it in the microwave? Nope…Empty. Then where?…

And then my eyes drift to the dog standing next to me, tail wagging, wondering what I’m serving for dessert. Stupid human…

BUT I DID NOT SIMPLY ASSUME, FOR THAT WOULD BE WRONG…Innocent until proven guilty, and all that good stuff…So I pried his mouth open and smelled his breath. Guilty.

Yea, Tyson’s in his room now and he’s rather silent. If only I didn’t run out of duct tape…

Categories: Uncategorized


  1. *shrugs* I would assume it was him, but since dogs don’t equate punishment with something that happened over a minute before I wouldn’t see any point in doing anything beyond a scolding. Not a scaulding, a scolding, you naughty person, you.

    I’d blame Mr. I’m Going To Distract You For The Dog Carrot, personally. 😉

    Note, I’m not scolding you for punishing him, I’m just saying that that’s one of those few times I would have made an assumption.

  2. dude you know NINJA carrot was in on it the whole time

    i bet he has a piece of that ham right now, and he is laughing as he eats every morsel

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