Woo! Saturday! First day of a three day weekend! I have far too much to do, but need to get started…So here I am; updating Livejournal was indeed on the list. I’ve gotten quite a few views, ratings, and comments from people all over the internet on my ukulele videos and need to make another one this weekend. I’ve got C, D, A, and F down pat, and can almost make a rhythm with those chords. I’m also practicing a different strum called chucking, where you quickly run your fingers across the strings, then tap them with your palm…Its a really neat sound and something that adds quite a bit to even a simple melody so I want to learn that. Or at least have a simple melody down before the next video.
So about something that’s been dominating my thoughts during the week. My gay friend Luis is being strange and it annoys me. But probably for selfish reasons. Luis is a good guy. Real attractive, fun to hang out with…I met him when I first moved to Austin in ’08 at Eric’s D&D game and he’s been a regular part of my gaming group since. A bit older than me, but doesn’t act like it, which is awesome. And I told him as much last Sunday when we hung out outside of game for the first time. I brought over "the Watchmen," now one of my top three favorite movies, which he hadn’t seen but loved, and we laughed, talked about random stuff…It was a cool time. Eventually I steered the conversation towards friends with benefits (and rather smoothly I might add) and asked if he’d be interested. And he surprised me by being surprised…Which was surprising because I haven’t been subtle with my interest at all, though not overbearing either. Plenty of laughter, eye contact, close sitting…That sort of thing. So when I brought it up, he kinda looked surprised and said "us?" And I said "yea; I definitely find you attractive, and have a fun time hanging out like this. Why not? Could be fun." And he thought about it for a moment, before saying "yea, I’ve thought about it too (score!) but don’t you think that would be wierd?" My response was "not really; we both know we’re not looking for anything more so what’s the harm? If it’s weird then we stop." And he mulled it over a bit more but then shook his head and said he’d rather not and didn’t want to risk our friendship over it. So I said ok, and we changed the subject. The rest of the day wasn’t weird at all, which was a relief, and I walked out of there feeling in rather high spirits actually, because I NEVER make the first move and it was definitely a bit of growth on my part.
So all of that was necessary to explain THIS in the proper context. Luis is bored. He’s tired of the hours he works at his job at Progressive and hates having nothing to do on the weekends. He’s ex-Army, from Puerto Rico, and has been around…In short, he’s suffering from the same syndrome that led me to move from Buffalo, and what would drive me insane if I were to get a desk job like his. And I know this and have told him as much. So he talks all the time about how bored he is and how interesting stuff sounds…But when I say "hey, let’s do this!," if I’m lucky I get a non-committal response, or none whatsoever. And it annoys me because 1.) I see myself in his shoes, and 2.) it’s so easily fixable, especially in Austin. I mean DELAWARE, well…Boring. But Austin is far from it. But the rub is, I’m equally certain there’s some "rejection issues" going on in my own mind that’s making me angry and I also suspect he feels I’m pushing for more, and I’ve known him long enough that he generally ignores people when he feels like he’s being pushed. Which I can sympathize with; in fact I do the same. And finally, his relationship history has been utterly dismal, so I know he’s real wary about getting close to anybody. So I give him some space…And then eventually I hear about him being bored again. So I suggest stuff. And he doesn’t respond but I get to hear about boredom next week. So why tell me about it?!
Basically, he just wants to game 3x a week, which I know from experience does not cure chronic boredom/minor depression brought on by a crappy worklife and I’ve told him as much, but I suppose I’m getting too personal for his tastes so he pushes me back. On my end, I admit I do have a slight crush but I really am trying to just be a good friend, because he’s fun to hang out with and enjoy his company. I’d be perfectly happy shooting rounds of pool or whatever with no expectations. But I’ve always been the entertainment provider with the games and he’s subtly pushing me to run more often, which I do not want to do. And I’m not-so-subtly pushing him to get out and do stuff, which he does not want to do. So it’s a quandry, I suppose. I’ve decided I’m not going to offer any more ideas since its weirding him out…Even though a small part of me (the crushing part, I suppose) says "well then don’t tell me you’re bored!"
I hate being human.
So tomorrow is 80’s night at the Elysium…It’s also my valiant crew leader Chris’ birthday, so I’m thinking about cruising about some thrift stores today and getting some 80’s clothes to wear! I’m not really big into fashion trends (especially older ones), but I think I have a pretty good idea for a low-cost, but trendy getup. I’m going to pick up some faded blue (almost white) jeans…Get a tye-died or paint splattered shirt, wear some huge round glasses, my flag bandana, and walk around with a toothpick in my mouth. Pretty sure that’s 80’s. Or I’ll just copy anything Will Smith wears on the Fresh Prince, aka. colors so clashing it hurts your eyes to look at me.
My good friend Tam from Buffalo’s sent me some great ideas too since she’s a huge 80’s geek and would demand I accompany her if she were here. We’ll see.
This same Sunday I’m running another round of my D&D game for Ben and Luis since it seems Ben no longer has Valentine’s Day plans and they asked me to (even though he has a boyfriend; I can’t help but wonder if the gamer wrested control of his brain from his junk and made him cancel 😛 ). Which is fine with me; 80’s night is all I had planned, although I haven’t prepared much. I’m trying to decide if NOW is the time to implement the actual story arc…Not to mention what that arc actually is. I have a rather nebulous idea of where I want the game to go, but I’ve been running the past few sessions building up the country of Rashemen and letting the players make contacts, having mostly RP sessions and otherwise living in a happy, fun country. But the game will be taking a decidedly horror bent, a total 180 from where things have been, and they have no idea that it will be happening.
Should be fun. For me, anyways.