So I’ve started a new running regime, since Couch to 5K’s pretty low-key program was too much for me to follow. Ready for it? It’s called "Fuck It, Just Run!" FIJR basically involves saying "screw you" to any sort of plan or dedicated time, since missing the dedicated time seems to be my mind’s excuse to avoid doing it…And just running whenever I’m at an opportunity to do so. Of which there are plenty of opportunities since I don’t have a car and a lot of the important stuff I go to is close to my house. Going to the bus stop? Run. Grocery store? Run. Work?
Now that’s a big one. I’ve been wanting to start running to work for awhile now; its 4 miles away, which is pretty perfect distance-wise. But I’m just NOT a morning person, and the bus is so much closer. It’s a mental blockage, for sure. But I want to start doing it; that way, I don’t have to try and overcome even more mental hurdles getting home right from work and then summoning up the energy to go and run. Man, I sound weak…Couch to 5K wasn’t even that hard and I barely broke a sweat the first few weeks of it; I’ve just dug through the sweet, crunchy exterior of motivation and found a rocky core of pure laziness that resists all attempts to drill on through.
But I shall persevere…
I also gave Mom a call today for Mother’s Day. I always get paranoid on Mother’s Day that I’ve somehow gotten the date wrong and I’m calling a day late. Same for her birthday and my father/stepfather’s related dates. It’s wierd…Or is it?…I checked the date maybe 15 times; I knew LOGICALLY that Mother’s Day was Sunday, May 9th. But my heart still skipped a beat when my roommate Randy said Cynthia was getting a call from her son for Mother’s Day Saturday night. Logical vs. Intuitive intelligence; pretty sure I’ve talked about that before.
Work’s been wierd; I was going to go on a masonry project out to San Antonio again this week, but it got cancelled at the last minute, so I’m here in Austin all of this week, which isn’t bad at all. I really wanted to stay at Reimer’s anyways…But I learned a lesson in idle speech last week when, really just making conversation with two guys at E-Corps I don’t know so well, I said "oh, you guys are on the masonry project? I kinda wanted to try that out…Sounds like fun. Good luck." In reality, I had only a passing interest in the sense that it could be a skill I might want to learn SOMEDAY. However, when Annie, their driver, moved onto getting another job, my name immediately came up as a replacement and since it was overheard that I said I was keen on it, I more or less locked myself in. But I warmed up to it over the weekend, and started looking forwards to getting superior schedule hours and a trip to Sue’s place in San An (Sue is awesome, by the way), only for it to be canceled haha.
Idle speech…Say what you mean, or say nothing at all. Lesson learned.
What else…I met a guy on a site called Foreigndatefinder named Ismar Estrella. I favorited him and got a letter out of the blue, with a Spanish poem attached.
el que quiera ver la luz, tendra tormenta
el que quiera compañîa, soledad
y el que tenga un buen camino tendra sillas
peligrosas que lo inviten a sentar
Poetry? Wow; old school romancing! My spanish is good enough to get the gist of it; it’s talking about the difficulties of life and how easy it is to simply take the easy route. The last sentence being: "Dangerous to be invited to sit." We’ve really hit it off in the past few emails; we’re really mirrors of each other in a variety of ways spiritually and the past few letters have been comparisons of ideas on philosophy and stuff. Here’s part of a written response to one of his letters:
I do appreciate your words regarding love and freedom; they almost seem like traps though, for many people. They equate being in love with being rooted in place, and having to trade themselves to allow another to enter their lives. Many of my friends say "oh, I wish I could do what you are doing, but I can’t because of X reason…" I think that’s a false choice; life is what we make of it, so long as we’re willing to struggle a little until we get the mold in the proper form. But that’s it’s beauty as well; the growth that occurs along with the struggling and the insight that comes from seeing the clay’s true form…And so I find happiness, even if I don’t have the best job, shiniest car, or sexiest boyfriend haha. But someday, I hope to reconcile love and freedom, though I suspect it won’t come from me searching from without, but rather a transformation from within. Time will tell, I suppose.
And here’s a short excerpt from one of his letters in response to my commentary:
…I think of if in terms of unity, things don’t get granular until we start differentiating among them. Language can be deceiving in that way ’cause it tempts our intellect to rule and take over for the great results it has at naming things, but there we have our feelings which are yet another source of information handed to us in a very different format in many ways unreachable to the intellect. By that I’m telling you, we don’t live among opposites, opposites are they ways things seems to us, we can reconcile everything within ourselves, we are the ones who enslave our conscience to our intellect. When I study Taoism, I see. There is a short book I will dare to recommend to you…
Incidentally, foreign accents and grammar slips are way sexy. Even in written format. Or maybe that’s just me. Either way, I’ve a good feeling about this one. Even if he lives in Puerto Rico. I love to travel.
Ok, I don’t have my hopes up; I’m just letting what happens happen; but I’m pretty stoked to find someone via a dating site that actually remains interesting for more than 3 emails.
In other news (lest I sound like a fawning puppy) my phone is out of order. It had just too much fun drinking box wine at Barton Creek and then sunbathing until the LCD screen turned black. So Earl is off the grid. Again. As if that’s new. Oh well; I’m always reachable via Livejournal, Facebook, and the usual channels.