Dear Future Self

So…First post of the New Year! Slightly late, but here I am nonetheless. 2010 has been overall an eventful year, and looking back from 2009, it had twists and turns I could not have expected…Environmental Corps rolled around to an end. A final end, this time, unless I'm looking for employment the next time around. Not unexpected; you can only do two full terms of Americorps. Still…2 years in and out and that chapter of my life is closed, in finality. That's worth a moment of reflection…Environmental Corps: Austin was my gateway from Buffalo to Austin and the wider world…I learned a gigantic skillset of abilities, from trail building to spike camping techniques to chainsaw maintenance and operation. Abilities that will serve me throughout the rest of my life. I met some amazing, life long friends and came to know myself just a little more as a person. E-Corps will forever remain a bright spot in my soul, one of those turning points in the story of my life and I am grateful for the ability to participate in it.

After E-Corps came the landing of a job in China. I'd put my mind to it back in April or so. I decided I needed to travel again; my experience at Vimutti only got my dreaming of far off lands once again…And each time I do I recall standing in front of the sala exploring the feeling. I remember the anticipation I felt at returning to the United States…Feeling that now that I KNEW that  I could travel, there was no need to do it again anytime soon, and that I would stay home and build a career and future, maybe even move back to New York. How wrong I was…For the USA simply became a new destination, a new adventure. The drive to explore never died, it simply shifted focus. Austin was hardly new to me by now, but after New Zealand it was indeed a change of pace and that is what I continually crave…And knowing that I crave..That craving is the root of suffering…This is a priceless gift from Vimutti and another thing I 'll always hold close. For while I will give into that craving once more and I jump ship to Asia, I also know now that Asia doesn't hold the key to eternal happiness any more than America does. But it doesn't diminish the experience; quite the opposite in fact. Knowing this means every horizon will have something beautiful for me too see; something new for me to learn. I need not be searching for roots to put down, money to hoard and a soulmate to call my own. These things…Will come of their own accord. In the meantime…I remain in the present, tasting all that life has to offer with an undiluted stream of consciousness.

This is a letter to my future self. Self: Take a moment to reflect on this moment. As you write, you're sitting at home, at your parent's house. Paint flecks cover your hands and hair, Disturbed is playing on Pandora, you're waiting for your Visa and Canon camera to arrive in the mail. You're extremely anxious over your financial situation and whether it was wise to buy a camera when the finances are so very close in your China plans. Not to mention your worries over your job qualification. Remember Environmental Corps. In transition from Buffalo, you were afraid you would not make it..And even if you did, you would be terrible at your job, get fired and be stranded in a city of people you did not know. Remember Vimutti Monastery. In transition from Austin, you were afraid you would not make it…And even if you did, you would be terrible at your job, get fired and be stranded in a country of people you did not know. And so here you sit in Delaware. Anxious…Worried you won't make it and even if you do, you'll be terrible at your job, get fired and be stranded in a country of people you don't know and whose language you don't speak. Notice the gradiations….Without even trying you've taken tentative steps from New York, each one bigger than the last.

What step will 2010 hold, I wonder? Stay positive, self. You got this.



Categories: china, dear me, musings, Uncategorized


  1. *hugs* I missed this the day you wrote it, sorry.

    I’m very excited for you, strangely proud of you as if I had something to do with this, and happy that you keep taking bigger and bigger steps that lead to more adventure.


    • Buffalo can come to my ass; I’ve traveled far enough!

      Thanks for the props, man. I’m excited for you too, though I still don’t know the details of the thing you want to go back to school for. But the POSSIBILITIES are exciting! 😀

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