Some thoughts: A LJ Meme

I’m coping this from my good friend JFargo as I’m in need of an impetus to write and although i try to do so from the heart, most of my LJ posts lately seem hackneyed and…Well, boring, so I think this will give me something worth reading and reflecting on in the future. So lets begin Day One, shall we?

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

Person 1, I understand where you’re coming from when you act like the world’s out to get you, but you’re wrong and it’s obvious to everybody BUT you. I was once you and we’re still all-too similar, so I truly understand your mind. And you’re well aware of your issues in other aspects, so I don’t mean to preach. Just try to recollect your sober words when you’re lost in emotion, okay? Good things await on the horizon for you; I may not say it enough but I’m really excited for you. I feel that you will struggle a bit, but you can’t help but grow into something even more amazing than you are now. Love you lots, okay?

Person 2, you say call you, call you. But it’s during the messages I initiate that you say this, and then I get put off. I know we’ve drifted and I know things are different…But being bitter about it and reminding me of our drift in your passive-aggressive way every time we talk doesn’t encourage me to keep in contact. Talking to you is sometimes like taking bitter medicine because I feel like the only way to break through the ice is to just do it, and then I do and things seem okay. But you know I’m a distant person, both literally and emotionally; I always have been and always will be. Let’s both try to recognize the character traits we don’t like, but cling to the ones we do. Call ME sometime.

Person 3, you and I have an odd relationship, though I suppose that’s always the way with family, isn’t it? We get along great on the outside, but there’s this odd testing of each other’s wit and fitness under our genial words that I don’t like when I lose and smile behind my teeth at when I win. Sometimes the contest gets too raw…You crushed my heart when you told me to leave and suggested I did the same by merely having an opinion against that which you’ve build your moral foundation against. I’ve long since forgave you, for whatever that’s even worth, but I’ll never forget it either. But we can still play nice together and that’s what’s important, for the sake of those we love, including each other. Every time we get together, we turn a page in the chapter of our respective lives and see a bit more beneath the surface. We both wish the other would understand how things are from their point of view…Maybe we will someday.

Person 4 you’re trying to hard to get my attention and I just don’t know what to do with it. You tried so hard after our fight and  I ignored you until you stopped trying. Later I decided to respond after you gave up because it finally felt wrong. Then we talked in person, embraced for the first time in years and your touch awoke memories I’d long since forgotten. As well as things I remembered all too-well. I’m still trying to find a place for you in my heart. That sounds horrible and I’m sorry. But you also know quite well why things are the way they are, so I will move at my own pace rather guilt-free. You seem okay with that thus far and with time, all wounds heal.

Person 5 its so strange that we share the things we do, considering where and how we met, isn’t it? The chances had to be one in a million that two guys so very much alike would meet, realize we had as much in common as we do, and still talk so frequently considering where we live. But you’ve enriched my life in many ways, my friend, and thank you for that. I have no doubt I’ll make it over to Aleepo one of these years and take you up on that couch offer, and no doubt we’ll still be keeping in touch for all the years until then.

Person 6 is like my twin in many ways. I understand their heart because we share the same dreams and goals, which is to say, nothing other than a hazy sense of "more than THIS." A strange foundation for a friendship, and something we suspect all humans feel, yet why do so few feel it as strongly as us? Perhaps they just hide it better…Person 6 already knows who they are by now and to them I will also say: "Thank you for understanding me, and we’ll talk later."

Person 7, you’re the reason I am what I am. A life without you is unfathomable, and so I wish you’d take better care of yourself! You’re an adult and I KNOW you don’t need me nagging you, but why not do a bit more for your mind and body? I feel like you’re stagnating in some ways and there’s definitely some depression…You don’t talk about that to me because that’s not how our relationship’s supposed to work, and I can relate. I’d probably feel the same way were the roles reversed. But I wish you’d try because otherwise I just sound like I’m nagging you and I don’t know how to get through to you, other than force-feed you salads and preach meditation.

Person 8, I wish I’d tried harder to get to know you when I had the chance because in my mind, you’re the fish that got away. I knew you were kind of special but I went through a bit of depression for awhile and shunned your attention, and now that I’m over it, you’ve moved onto other places and other people. I really had…Have a crush on you and loved how similar we were. You’re funny, sincere, intelligent and sexy as hell. We never got the chance to really get to know one another when you were close and now that you’re far, and soon to be farther, there’s no use. Perhaps that’s why we no longer talk much. Pretty sure that’s my own logic right there for not talking to YOU, too. I’m an idiot but I wish you well in the rest of your life.

Person 9, of all the people I’ve known, your confidence in yourself was an inspiration to me. I felt like a child whenever we’d talk just because of the sheer forcefulness of your personality. (your mothering ways didn’t really help though!) But I don’t mean forceful as in "overpowering," just knowing that you’ve no need to feel inferior to any human being. It was inspiring, and made you a great leader. You, more than anyone else we worked with, really LISTENED when I spoke and we had some great conversations, shared some personal thoughts and connected. I’m sorry I was so shy about hanging out, though I know you understood in your way. I wish I could start all over again and be that cool, collected guy I always tried to be with our group, but you all saw through my facade, and when that happens, I withdraw. Bad habit of mine. 

Person 10, we only really got to know each other for maybe 3 months before you moved on…But we had a SUPER-awkwards start on things last year and that moment really set the tone for me for the rest of the year. It’s amazing to me how much stress and headache was caused over a misunderstanding over a word-game. Believe it or not, I actually made a mistake in my word choices, and rather than admit I had used the wrong words, I played it off as a joke. I thought you all would laugh…You did not. I was awkward and unable to get to know your entire work group and absolutely convinced I was a sociophobic headcase for most of the year because of that tiniest of mistakes. And what’s worse is that you were utterly convinced of my sliminess you made no effort to befriend me and you and yours shunned me as a result. And I could do nothing since we never worked together, to allow me to convince you otherwise. We just had awkward mornings where every now and again we’d be forced to talk and it only made things worse. Until we worked together one trip…And you saw that I was, in fact, a decent guy and you gave me a hug after the very end of the trip. I laughed it off, as if it were out of the blue…I wish I’d hugged you back instead of trying to be macho. You really made my day with that. Thank you so, so much.

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