Dear Future Me!

Dear Earl,

Greetings! This is Earl speaking! Well, Earl from the year 2012! I do hope you're still around to read this. I've no idea what might cause things to go otherwise, but just in case…I only pray it was amusing and we went out in style! But let's assume otherwise, for now!

So YEAH! I'm in China-mode, round II currently. I'm sure you remember Jinan, Shandong, China? Well, I decided after a brief sabbatical in New Zealand, to not let China beat me and returned. This time to Nanjing, Jiangsu Province. The weather's a bit better, the city is a good deal more scenic, and the history far more intriguing! These days, what weighs most heavily on my mind is the question of Inner Peace. 

Vimutt helped us learn a lot, but some days it really feels like one step forward, two steps back, y'know? But then, we have these breaks in the clouds that are like…WOW…But the clouds invariably come back. WHY are the clouds? That's the question that consumes most of our conscious processing power. 

We've become a bit less sure of ourself, since we left Buffalo, NY. Turns out the rest of the world can be challenging in some extremely subtle ways! What I want to know is whether or not you found the keys to satisfaction. Past Earl thought being a wandering hobo baron like he always dreamed of was the answer, but we both know that its one's mental reaction to one's station in life that determines happiness and sadness. We've tried on a ton of molds and we've learned enough to know that there is no one mold that will do. So now we're examining the clay.

We've given a lot of thought to relationships these past few months. We oscillate between feeling that I can generate all the peace and happiness I need to really craving the love of another man, someone to share this life with and be at ease with at all times. Both paths are doable, perhaps. But both also put happiness in the future; so we try not to think much about relationships and to focus on the NOW, to generate real change. Am I doing the right thing? Because I also think one has to ACT, to make things happen. How did the love front work out for us, I wonder? Did it bring balance, affection, and commitment? 

Do we have a career yet? We've always got bored of a job within a year and changed yearly…It's let us see some interesting things, but I still have our love for animals and really want a house full of them!

I know we have Charisma out the wazoo, but it's not always there. Some days you're amazing, some days you want to crawl in a hole and wait for nightfall. How do I tap into that on my terms?

…Again with the question of happiness. What will it take for me to be perfectly happy? Because if I'm not, then life isn't worth living. This is the question I pursue to the exclusion of everything else. 

And so, this is the question I pose to you, above all else: Did you find it? Is there an answer? Send me some love, because you know I need more of it than I used to these days! 

With Metta,

~ Earl

Part II of my letters; this time to my future self. Maybe two…Five…Or even another seven years down the line. Here's my fears and thoughts. With LJ, I can look back and shake my head at how ALMOST every single fear and crushing worry I had is absolutely meaningless now. Slowly learning to stop picking them up and making them fears to begin with. But these current ones…How will these evolve, I wonder?

Categories: dear me, Uncategorized

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