I'm…Not astounded, although I should be. This sense of knowing and recognition is not surprised, though mind is. Subtle truths are being made manifest through my inquiries…And sometimes I'm seeing results even when I don't understand. This is…

Mind is not the perceiver. It can't be. When you focus your awareness on a bodily sensation it vanishes. Outward physical sensations stemming from exterior objects do not, but interior ones do as the are solely within the mind-body complex. They are perceived and then interpreted by mind. But when you focus on the perception, a pain in the leg or pang of hunger, it vanishes. If mind is required to perceive then how is it that to try and perceive mind is to make it disappear? Yet there is still perceiving; there is no blankness, just a stilling of mind, just like the leg pain or hunger pang.

Mind tries to be the perceiver, but it usurps its role from Being. Mind is the interpreter and scanner, but should not be the perceiver. It's role is secondary to Being. This must be felt in my very bones.

Tonight was a good night. Met some neighbors and connected with them in a place of Being, rather than Mind. David, Drew and..Er…I feel bad. Despite "being," I've forgotten the name of their female companion. One of the drawbacks of being gay — handsome men tend to overwhelm my attention foci. Perhaps…Not a complete place of Being, then, but its a start!

I feel it in my belly, this burning at times…It's of Mind as well, though, and so I'm doing my best to stand past it. To "void" Enlightenment. Void the Void. Mooji says it's like "being pregnant with yourself, this yearning." And one should see this burning as a fire, long overdue, burning away everything that should be burned, to make room for the new. How easily my feelings shift from this perspective — and how exciting from this light! Morose…Depressed…To Buzzing…Excited. Clearly of the mind, not higher being. Void the Void and let things unfold as they will.

Categories: meditation, Uncategorized

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