This year will be a special year for me. This year will be the year I learn how to bring to bear all of my diverse experiences into painting the life I truly wish for myself. I’ve had feedback in various ways on the best way to find and create what I want and I feel I’m edging closer to a real precipice of a decision.
At the moment I see a number of possible forks in the road. I have an opportunity in California that interests me. Ajahn Chandako, abbot of Vimutti Monastery back in NZ is coming stateside and wants some help working on a forest hermitage there. I’m feeling interested and inspired; and it would be great to stop living a 9-5 lifestyle for a bit and shake things up a bit. What stops me is my fear over whether I will find someone to take over my lease or not. I decided to try leasing an apartment once again in the name of building something stable. And I understand the desire; after having a roommate that I wanted to kill on occasion, I had to find something quickly and it was there. But unfortunately its become an anchor, as it usually does, keeping me from doing exactly what I wish and when.
I’ve been accepted into the PRT (Physical Readiness Test) portion of the application process to becoming a Texas Game Warden. It’s a highly selective process that would end with a very interesting career with the State of Texas; Game Wardens are the men and women who act as backcountry police officers. They not only check hunting and fishing licenses but perform backcountry search and rescue, assist in natural disasters, animal rescue…Pretty much anything a trained helping hand is needed with. And the pay is quite comfortable as well. So I’m also pursuing this route; if all were to go as planned, I’d be in training starting September.
I could join the Peace Corps next year. I’ve always wanted to; after seeing how much Americorps had to offer in training, real-life experience and giving back to one’s community, the Peace Corps seems a very natural transition. A transition that also would have solid future career possibility.
And my photography is starting to pick up, ever so slightly. I’ve got a deal worked out with the Botanical Gardens where they will be purchasing some of my 5×7’s, matted and labeled with my name, to see how well they sell. A co-worker purchased a large print; and another inquired into a photoshoot for his daughter’s birthday.
So I’m at a very odd crossroads; I’ve many diverse possibilities in front of me, however they SEEMINGLY lead in different directions. And what’s helping me navigate all of this is realizing that I CAN’T KNOW THE FUTURE. I can’t know which one’s best, or what opportunities will come up or change. So I’m trying to focus more on the person I wish to be, instead of the circumstances I might find myself in. It’s very hard, as we’re taught at a very young age just how much circumstances matter, when it’s not necessarily true. We want certain circumstances, in order to produce certain feeling-states. However feeling-states can be quite independent of circumstances. In fact, circumstances follow feeling-states (at least, that’s what I’m experimenting with at the moment). So, Law of Attraction-type stuff. So, if I can’t know the future, but I can envision the kind of man I want to be, then it’s better to keep working towards that end and let the circumstances sort themselves out.
So having gone for a swim for the PRT, I’m going to mat some photos tonight to take to the Gardens and not worry too much about the lease for now, since I wouldn’t be in Cali until May/June anyways. I’m going to walk in between all four paths and see if a fourth doesn’t make itself obvious.
2017 is going to be an interesting year.