So I have some semblance of a plan that feels right for the next 1-2 months. Something that will restart my personal growth path and lead me down an entirely unknown path. Which is naturally, quite exciting, even if I can’t foresee where I’ll be even a short time from now.
One thing that ayahuasca showed me was its ability to act as a catalyst for change. While it did transform me, the transformation was far more subtle that I can really put into words. I like the word “catalyst” for the experience because in chemistry, a catalyst simply allows a reaction to occur. The elements for the change are already in place but the reagents are inert until you add the catalyst.
I think back to my years of meditation and while I did learn quite a lot about my triggers, reactive patterns, what I can and can’t change, where my personal responsibilities lie in relationships, and how the mind functions, I haven’t changed in the ways I wish. All of my research on psychedelics suggests that they can inspire creative new pathways of being to form.
The how is never clear. Theories include new mental pathways, allowing regions of the brain formerly separated to communicate with one another, resetting the mind to a child-like state, and divine revelation. Somehow, I think it’s a little bit of each, though I still only have four nights of experience to go by.
That’s why I’m 90% sure I’m headed to Amsterdam in a few weeks. I’m still doing my research but from what I see, the Netherlands is one of the few places in the world where psychedelics in the form of magic truffles are openly consumed and easily obtained. I want to learn as much as I can.
I’m also looking at Latin America. Mexico, Brazil, and Peru all have some exceptions made for sacramental plants. I need to do more research and make a decision as to where would best fit my needs and plans. I don’t speak a lick of Portuguese but Brazil would be interesting just because I’ve always wanted to go…
My Spanish is passable so I could always go find trouble in Mexico or Peru as well…
But just to be clear, I’m really not doing this because I’m interested in getting high. I mean I AM from a scientific perspective, because who wouldn’t be? But I really want to re-integrate myself back into society somehow.
Social anxiety has taken that away from me; my mental defense mechanisms to avoid pain are so strong and ingrained even my meditation can’t crack the Gordian knots of energy, intention, and reaction I’ve innocently woven. Something stronger is needed and one thing my ayahuasca trip shows me is that there is some wisdom to be found in this direction.